"It was because the back was where I wasn't, I was facing down hill, and it was too, just a different hill." Why I allowed the car to roll backwards at a junction. "Arkansas" (pronounced "Ar-kan-arse-as") By a guy at work. I got to be the smart one for once!! =:D "....he had his own screaming harpies and everything!!" "Did you just say khakis or car keys?? What about either said 'screw me'???" "Neither. Nothing. Why, what did you think I said??" "Either 'screw me khakis',  or 'screw me car keys'." "I said 'SCREAMING HARPIES', and there was no screwing involved!!!!!" On an escalator, surrounded by highly confused people. "#One banana two banana three banana four, la la la la la la la la comin' through the door, four banana three banana two banana one, four bananas playin' in the bright banana sun la la la, la la la la, la la la, la la la la, Mobo, Gobo, Goober and Snorrrrrrrrrk...la la la, la la la la, la la la, la la la laaaaaa#" My unique take on the Banana Splits Theme (the correct two verses (which I mingled into one, and added a bit) are "One banana, two banana, three banana, four. Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more. Over hill and highway the banana buggies go, Comin' on to bring you The Banana Splits Show*la la bit*Four banana, three banana, two banana, one. All bananas playing in the bright warm sun. Flippin like a pancake, poppin like a cork, Fleagle, Bingo, Drooper and Snork.") In my defence, I wasn't even born when The Banana Splits were on TV. *In Orville the Duck voice* "#I'm a little pink duck in a big pink seeeeeeeaaaaaa#" My version of "Help, I'm a Fish" by Little Trees, later changed to "little green duck" as the Orville voice filtered in a little more. "#Bananas in pyjamas are running down the stairs...bananas in pyjamas are chasing teddy bears# WHY???!" "Why?" "Why are they wearing pyjamas?? Why are they coming down stairs?? Why are they chasing teddy bears??" Deep, DEEP phsycological studies. "#Dance your cares away, worry's for another day, let the music play, down at Fraggle Rock!  Work the day away, dancin's for another day, let the Fraggles play, we're Wembley, Gobo, Boober...Red.....Snork#" Fraggle Rock meets Banana Splits. Panic ensues. (the correct Fraggles were Gobo, Mokey, Wembley, Boober, and Red). "...and it's annoying, after two years he's STILL not got his mouth 'round Harold." Fiance on flatmates. Who are NOT gay.... "But glass is clear. How will they see it on the x-ray?" Watching "Casualty", after a guy got glassed. "Heyyyyyyy, they could be our gay guys!!!" Rather loudly, with the windows open (by accident) while passing a gay couple on the way into our holiday resort, following a conversation as to how the ideal neighbours for the 2 weeks would be a nice gay couple. "I also got quite excited at the idea of watching "Goat Rush" on TV tonight after checking the TV Guide on the net, only to discover that it was actually "Goal Rush" that had met with a large piece of dust stuck on the screen. But I do now have inspiration for a cool new TV show..." Reason #1 I should NEVER be allowed to work in the ideas section of TV. "I just made the most geeky hot chocolate in the world, with weigh-scales, and a measuring jug, and everything. I'm a nerd." "It's mega-weird the way colds play with my E.S.P." Don't I wish that that was enough to keep them away :S "I've had more mood swings today than a schitzophrenic badger on a roundabout." And they have a lot of mood swings, apparently. "Yes, ruggedly sexy Yorkshiremen, floppy fringes, tight pants and a nice attractive bit of rough certainly are a wonderfully enjoyable way to start the day!" Explaining why I was so cheerful on a morning shift. (Unfortunately it was just a dream that cheered me up). "I was taught in Glastonbury, by an Australian high-ranking Wiccan guy with a really long twisted stick." Um, runes, the art of. Well, he told me to check them out, anyway. He was there for the eclipse, to re-charge his big stick at Stone Henge. Yeah, he was cool... "Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!! I KNEW it! Forget Samantha Bond, I am Lady Macbeth to Sean Bean's Macbeth!!!!!!!!!!! Sooooo, doubters... #In your face! In your face!#" After completing an internet quiz on "Which Shakespeare Leading Lady Are You?" "It's like Bear Factory after about a gallon of Red Bull." After visiting the very enthusiastic staff at Build a Bear Warehouse. "Aaaaaaaaarg, it's like Santa's Workshop on speed in here." My room, mid-Xmas preparation. "Yaaaaaaaay...C.M.A!! C.M.A.!!!" I luuuuuuuuurve the Country Music Awards. "Women know! Or...so I've been told. I haven't developed that gene yet." It's a problem, it really is. "Whoopee, pumpkins!! They make me think of 'Snoopy'!!" Simple things... "How are grown-ups ever spontanious? Is spontenaeity now limited to the obscenely rich??!!!" I'm...frustrated. Top 3 Guitarists I'd Like To Bump Butts* With. 1).Richie Sambora 2).Bryan Adams 3).Jon Bon Jovi "If you don't come back soon you'll be identifying him by his dental records." There are some people at work I just don't work well with!! :S "I am as un-domesticated as they come. I'm practically feral I'm so un-domesticated." Well, as far as ironing, etc is concerned, anyway! I have no useful hints or tips, Mrs.Beeton I am not. "Irony eh? Don't it just bite you in the butt every time?" After watching "Henry VIII" drama on ITV. (*swoon*@mySean.com ;) Me:- "Why is it so small?" Fiance:- "Because you're special." The font on my PC. And the REAL answer was because I had the text size set to "Smallest". "If he wasn't so old and wrinkly i would marry Calvin Klein. He is the father of all invention." Come everyone, and appreciate the wonder that really is perfectly fashioned underwear... "And in truly humourous news, I know someone who's jeans fell down last night." I do, I really do. In fact, I know them REALLY well (not that I'd ever tell you who)...REALLY REALLY well...And ohhhh, did I laugh. I dropped my crisp sandwich, I laughed so hard. Heehee. Hope the same pair get worn again... ;) "I HATE MARKS AND SPENCERS! I just had to spend 2 and a half hours trapped in their old lady front creased crepey fabric trouser suit dept. They should be closed down." Customer Services really has gone downhill. "My shoes kick ass!" "Yeah right, prove it." "OK, bend over..." It's not very often I'm this quick on the draw, it deserves quoting. :D The shoes in question were my platform trainers. "I've been asleep! It must have come off my eyelashes when I blunk." "Blunk?!" "Yes." I was still half asleep, OK? And, for the record, I like the word "blunk". [raises hand] "I have another stupid flying question." At least I give them warning now. "...So I said 'No, we don't do that, I'm afraid. Sorry.'. What I should have said was 'Don't get so stressed, do you need a cigarette or something for your nerves? Coz you look like a smoker, what with those massive wrinkles around your mouth. Old women who smoke a lot get that, you know. Either that or you've been severely pissed off and looked like you've been sucking a lemon every day of your life'." "No you shouldn't!" "Well I didn't, but she really did have a mouth like a cat's arse." But I DIDN'T say that to the rude, obnoxious woman tapping her foot coz she was waiting for a couple of minutes, who then got snotty about teachers' discount. And so I still have a job. "Oh, Oh, OHHHHHHHH, what is THAT?! Euw! Eeuuw!! There's....There's TEA in my tea! EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuwwwwwww, omg that's so gross, there's LEAVES in my tea. Oh now I'm going to have to start again." Yes...I do know where tea comes from. But, I don't expect to eat that stuff, OK?! "You shall be my penguin, and I shall call thee Bob." Unfortunately, by the next time frame refresh Bob was indistinguishable from the other 45 penguins in the polar exhibit. To all but me, that is... "Have u finished blogging?" "I'm just publishing now...I was debating how I should spell poo." "Oh ok." "Well, do you drop the 'h', or not? If you include it, are you breaking A.A.Milne's copyright? Does A.A.Milne own the copyright to the word "Pooh"? Or only when it's in "Winnie The" context?" "I dunno." "I don't want to be in breach of copyright for spelling poo 'pooh' instead of poo." "Well spell it poo...or sh*t...or crap...or excrement..." "I can't do that! It's a family blog! Besides, I want to say poo. Or pooh. Maybe it's only when the pooh has a capital 'P', coz that makes it a name, leading to the "Winnie The" issue." "Ok." "Anyway, it's poo now, what's done is done." And the poo issue is definately done. I was on my way to bed, but the conversation just amused me. "BEAVERS!!!!!!!" "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I saw a beaver. "Travellers cheques?! Way to say "I'm not a local, charge me double!" Hence me risking travelling with all my holiday savings in Canada money. "Wow!!!!!!!!! Penguins By Night!!!!! ... Dammit! I see no penguins." "Thats coz they are probably in their lil penguin beds, asleep." "It's only 20:19pm!! Penguins are the ultimate party birds! Though they do try and re-create the Antarctic for them, or wherever penguins live. And anyway, if they're asleep, I expect to see sleeping penguins!" "They probably don't sleep in view of the camera." "Maybe." "Well would U sleep in front of the camera?" "Y not? Though it would have been embarassing this morning, when I woke up with my arse hanging out of my pajamas." "Ur cute." "So are U. Really, they'd come right off at the back, my bum was frozen (coz the window was open, coz my hyacinths smell like poo)." So, I'm addicted to penguin cam, a terrible gardener, and my pajamas are too big. What else would you like to know?! "Wow, that's so hard to work out, it's like a whole other language. Me, trying to read a website written in Croatian. Oddly enough a whole other language...*ahem* "All the girls are like "Yeah, that wasn't too bad, was it?" And all the guys are like "I thought it was great. *sniffle* Didn't like the ending much, though...*Manly ahem* I have to go to the bathroom..." *dash, sniffling*. "Big Fish"s 'touching' ending appeared to affect the genders in different ways... "MY HEAD JUST FELL ASLEEP ON YOUR BUTT!" *hysterical laughter* (After falling asleep whilst sitting up, mid-way through laughing at nothing, and keeling over to one side, landing with my head on belov'd's ass). "I want to...*giggle*...throw away...*laughing*...that piece of...*losing plot completely*...PAPER!" *hysterical laughter* "I'm high on German Cherry Coke! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!" *hysterical laughter* "I need PAJAMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *hysterical laughter* "You were a long time in the bathroom." "Yeah, I was pulling faces at myself in the mirror." *hysterical laughter, demonstration of faces* The disturbing effects of drinking "2 for £1" bottles of German Cherry Coca Cola from the cheap newsagents. "So how was work?" "Fun, I wrote a screenplay." "You've only been there for 5hrs." "Well, actually it took about 15mins to write. Well, to write up. It arrived quicker than that, I woke up and it was just in my head, playing like a movie." "So, less than 5hrs then..." I sense a possible career change... "Scarlett Johanssen wasn't famous until Sunday. Then woah! She's in a coupla lil films, wins a Bafta, and whoopee, mega-star." The simplified rise to fame... "Oooooooh, Chuck a Ball Challenge! Did you know a fit healthy man should be able to throw a ball 22 meters?" "Really? His own? Eeeeeeeeuwwwwww!" "I dunno [reads] no, a football or something." "Ohhh, cool. Coz otherwise that woulda been kinda gross, I guess. And kinda not possible." AOL's Health and Fitness section has a LOT to answer for!!But has given us the first READER POLL...Which is more worrying - the fact that I didn't know the answer to the questions, or the fact that I had to read the answer, and couldn't figure it out for myself?! "I saw the grossest thing I've ever seen in pretty much my entire life today! I saw a baby sneeze. In the sandwich queue in the bakery. There was this couple with a really cute baby asleep in a pram, and then all of a sudden, it woke up in an explosion of projectile snot (it was like Spiderman with his web shooting wristy things, or something), which then elasticated back all over it's head. And then it went back to sleep. And everyone else in the shop went "Aaaaaaaaaaaw, isn't she just the cutest lil thing you ever saw?!", and I thought yeah, right up there with the cute lil pea soup scene from the Excorcist. Grosssssssssssssssssssssness x a zillion." "Why, why is there nowhere on the internet selling sewing patterns for Dog Tuxes??" "I dunno, probably coz its a very very very strange request that not even redneck americans want?" "It is NOT!!!" I want my dog to be my Bridesmutt, OK?! If I can have Bridesmaids, I can have a Bridesmutt too. "I dunno, going on that photo I wouldn't mind hiring his gun..." Re-thinking my negative views on Bruce Springsteen? Quite possibly "I could like Bruce Springsteen, but I always find him so disappointing." "Disappointing?" "Yes, a voice like his should be in a much hotter body." "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that chord should be on prescription, or at the very least registered as lethal weapon. It makes my insides go all funny." Chord in question being the "#...all for one...#" bit in "All For Love" (Sting, Feat.Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart). Uhhhhhhhhhh *quiver*. "You know what would be cool? Richie Sambora and Randy Flowers, in a Guitar Play-Off, with me as the prize." Of course, the winning would have nothing to do with playing, more to do with who looked the hottest at the time... "You look like a hobbit. You look like the lil annoying hobbit who follows Elijah Wood everywhere he goes, but just a little too close for comfort." To Fiance, BEFORE his haircut this morning. Now he looks even hotter (I never thought it was possible...), and I can't keep my hands off his hair *swoon* :P *droooool* "I love Valentine's Day, the whole time, actually. Know what I think is romantic? Walking in the woods." "Really?" "Yeah, definately. One day, I'll be walking in the woods, and I'll find the clearing with the little stone house, where Bryan Adams plays "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You", and then, he'll stop playing, and then he'll prop his guitar against a tree, and then I'll prop him against a tree, and then..." And then we'd better leave it there. "Christian Bronsard has such amazing eyes, I never noticed them before. I don't think I'd like him as much without his mask on, though...Is that kinky?" Um, I suspect the answer is probably a resounding YES. "Smell it! Smell my flower!!" I'm having trouble with my hyacinths. "...thou arest-" "Thou arsed?" NO! 'Are-st'!! Or should that be, 'Thou art'? I think it should be 'thou art'." Shakespeare has a lot to answer for... "When I'm rich and famous, my first member of staff is already chosen. I want a hot guy to follow me around everywhere I go, playing the guitar. Apart from the bathroom, obviously. Then he can stand outside the door, and just crank up the volume a little." "Have u been using one of my razors?" ":$ Maybe." "Where?" "In the shower." OK, so not quite the answer to the question... "Take me! TAKE ME!!" "He can't take you. You're feeling ill, for one thing." "I'd rather be feeling Randy." Randy Flowers, that is. In response to his intro on the screens - "Randy 'Long Iron' Flowers - Looking for a Sheffield lass to take home tonight." "...#I got my driiii-ving test tomorrowwww...pray for snow, pray for snow, pray for snowwwwwwwwwwwwww#..." That IS an instruction :P (as well as a damn funky song). "They can't do that! They CAN'T do that!! Or at the very least, we can complain severely about them doing that." Hot on the campaign trail once again. "'The Groom's Guide To Wedding Etiquette' is a very short book. In fact, it contains just two pages. On one is printed 'Sit Down'. On the other, 'Shut Up'." Yes, that is officially MY quote, I said it first. So, haha. "THAT's what's wrong, we have the paper in upside down!! *rotates paper 180 degrees* there we go!! Now it's working!!" I don't know how it worked...But it DID work! "They used to lift 20kg of steel at a time? That must have weighed a ton!" Or, and this is just a wild guess, 20KG?! "Ohhhhhhhhh, that voice. That is the voice that could persuade me to give blood. I bet the number of female donors has risen since he started doing the ads. That voice could persuade me to buy cars, for goodness sake, and I'm broke. That voice is almost enough to persuade me to shop at Morrisons. Then again, even I have my limits." Sean Bean's voice-over talents certainly have me won over... *drool* nearly all the way, in fact. It's a bad sign when the ad breaks are better than the shows inbetween. BRING BACK SHARPE! BRING BACK SHARPE!! "I do find it strange that the mere mention of the Albery Theatre brings back memories that do weird things to my insides." A visit to the theatre really CAN change your life... "I smell like a monkey ranch." And in future, I will be more sparing in my use of banana shower gel. "And look, it even tells you where each of the Balkan melodies is from." "Balkania?" Another example of my fine geography. Though, in my defence, I did know that Balkania wasn't a real place... "That's IT! CHOCOLATE! Chocolate is the key to world peace!!" "Eh?" "Face it!! Switzerland - Makes chocolate.Neutral. Belgium - Makes chocolate. Neutral." "And how do you explain Cadbury's?" "Cadbury's - Quaker family. Quakers... Pacifists!! Neutral. Hence, chocolate is the key to world peace." Come on world leaders, listen to the females. "What are these?" "They're air fresheners for your car...or...wherever else your air needs freshening." - I really should be in marketing. :D "So, is that [left hand] the right left, or the wrong left?" "The RIGHT left." "So that [right hand] is the wrong left?" "Yes" "So, in terms of right, what is that [left hand]?" "*sigh* right right [right hand] wrong right [left hand] wrong left [right hand] right left [left hand]" "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...right." Sheesh, you make one wrong turn in a driving lesson, and can they forget it?! Noooooooooooooooooooo... "Mmmmmm, pocket Boromirrrrrrrrrrr..." The reason I collect the LOTR minature figures. "I should be in advertising, you know...Get this:- 'Paperclips...*Attention-grabbing Pause*...For Things That Can't Be Stapled'. I might send that to them, whoever makes paperclips, I think that's a great slogan." That's Copyright me, btw, all you stationary firms out there. "Can I ask a Blonde postal question please?" "Go on..." "When you post something to Dublin, is it First Class Post, or Air Mail? Coz it's kind of over seas, isn't it? It's over a sea?" Actually, it wasn't that stupid a question, because Southern Ireland IS Air Mail, coz it counts as foreign, coz you have to fill in a customs form. "What you're trying to tell me is that its a bunch of moronic Americans, making a film for stupid middle America, commissioned by idiots who have thrown way too much money at it, have ruined the greatest story of the ancient age and a classic that has stood the test of time?" "Yes. But, on the plus side, it has Sean Bean in a foxy lil leather 'Gladiator' mini-skirt." It's amazing how a little "Rowwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrr Factor" can compensate for so much. "Ooooooh, he's just so.....uhhhhhhhhhhhh [blissful groan]." Work discussion - "The Summing Up Of Sean Bean's Sex Appeal". "Hello!! Guess what?! A lump fell out of my nose this morning!!" Um, OK so my greetings aren't always the sweetest. But it's TRUE!! Not a la Daniella Westbrook, more a combination of 5 days of excruciating sinus pain and nose bleeds...use your imaginations. "Ooooh, bizarre spacing! My banana peel was typing!!" Eating + Instant Messaging = FUNNNNNN "I see the future....it's hand-crafted and expensive!!" I went shopping for Thank You cards...£8 for 6 cards. Can anyone else say RIP OFF??!! "You could always just go to the most monkey-populated rain forest on the planet, and drop the typewriters in, and then go back in a year and find them." "Nooooooo, the monkeys would need training! Otherwise they'd sit on them and stuff. You just think of the mess of letters it puts on screen when you put your elbow on the keyboard, and times that by a monkey's ass." Discussing the "500 Monkeys + 500 Typewriters + [time] = Complete Works Of Shakespeare" problem. (Not that we have that problem, we were just bored). "You just bit off my icy soothing nose cone!!" Ah, how quickly the bringether of Ice Rockets can taketh away :S "#Loose! Footloose! Everybody get foot- *prolonged coughing fit* [weakly] ...loose#" OK, singing and dancing in the kitchen is NOT a good plan whilst ill, no matter how much better the frozen rockets make you feel. "Apologies to all the normal people. We now return to our regularly scheduled shop-keeping." After duetting the entire big-screen version of "Remember You're A Womble" to the entire shop TV:-"That's what we come for, we come to see the tough guys beat up the other guys." Me:- "No we don't, we come to watch the hot guys strip on their shirt raffle night." Whilst watching a show on ice hockey violence.      ( 12/18/2003 08:41:09 PM ) Sarah  "#I want a little green guy about 3 feet high with 17 eyes who knows how to fly!...or Dopper :'(#" A unique, goalie-obsessed version of the Fountains of Wayne 'hit' "I Want An Alien For Christmas". "Cool, I'd have stood a chance then, if they were all drunk, or similarly dis-em-brained." On hearing that the hockey players who went bowling today were downing large Slush Puppies, and all the wonderful additives, preservatives and sweeteners therein. "Are you going to risk it?" "Yes, I'll risk it, I'll be fine. But if I die, promise me you'll sue Cadbury's...I want a few million quid, and an Oompa-Loompa." Debating whether to eat the last (unwrapped) chocolate in the box. I did, so far I'm still here... "I look strong, rugged, sexy, manly..." "You look like a hedgehog's butt." I have a very low opinion of stubble. "Geez, you have one tiny little nibble on a guy's trunk, and all of a sudden, you're the baddie." Some people are sooooooooooo over-protective of their gingerbread Xmas trees! "How can you eat cow? They have such long eyelashes." Never could understand carnivores. "You could guess he was going to ask about bass." "Why, coz he looked like he couldn't cope with more than four strings?" "Exactly" "Are we getting bitchy?" "No, we're getting into the spirit of the season. The-happy-go-lucky-no-holds-barred-hack-and-slash-it'll-all-be-ok-by-January-when-a ll-gaping-wounds-are-healed Christmas shopping madness." "You know, you're right. I like that." Bearing the brunt of the Christmas shoppers' stress (and giving a little back, 'tis the Season, after all). "#'Tis the season to be grouchy, ram-your-ho-ho-ho-ing-up-your-arse#" OK, so even my Christmas enthusiasm ISN'T totally inexhaustable, in the right circumstances... #In the ladies.......# Erm, to the tune of "In The Navy". Bananana #do dooooooooo do do-dooo# Bananana #do do do-dooooooo# Bananana #do dooooooo do do-do, do do-do, do do-do, do do-do do-do do do do-do do# The supper-time song of the evening (originally "Ma mah ma nah") "Come on, take the helmet off, just take it off for a minute, go on, please, that's it, now squirt the water..." "This is like filming porn for you, isn't it?! This is like making goalie porn!" "No, I'm just taking photos in a professional manner, directing my subject...even though he can't here me on the ice from where I'm sat...the subject just happens to be wearing goalie kit." "This is like making goalie porn for you, isn't it?! This is your dream!" Well, actually my dream usually pans out a little different to that...there's less people for a start. But anyway...yes, taking the pics was pretty fun :D I may even do it again next game. "You're manipulative." "Yes, you're just porn in my little game." "Uh, A pawn, a pawn in the game." "If you like..." Ahh, the facinating conversations that go on in cars. "...And Smokey were on!!" "Smokey?" "Yeahhhhhhhhh, you know, "Livin' Next Door To Alice" Smokey." "Livin' Next Door To Alice?" "Yesssss, the song, you know...by Smokey." "Who the hell are Smokey? What does Alice have to do with it?" "Smokey. Who sang "Livin' Next Door To Alice"." "They're famous for that?" "YES. What's wrong with that?" "They're famous for writing a song about living next door to some bird called Alice? So I could write a song called "Livin' Above The Kitchen"??! And get famous?" "Well, you're not Smokey..." ...And hence it may not be a hit. Attempting to explain to uncultured Fiance who Smokey are. And failing... "That sandwich was disgusting, it was like chicken and mango on the compressed contents of the bottom of a gerbil cage." "eeeeeeeeeeuwwwww, that's gross." "Well, it was!! The 'bread' was like sawdust with little black bits in it too, just like gerbil bedding!" Oddly enough starting that conversation didn't make me regret the sandwich... "It smells like the seaside out here!!" "It smells like rotting fish out here." "Well, I was trying to be picturesque, but if you insist..." The wonders of the service bay. "#Red and yellow and pink and green, orange and purple and blueeeeeeeeeee# HAHA! I was the first person to sing a rainbow in your new room!" Err, well technically I WAS the first!! And certainly won the "First Things Said In The New Bedroom" competition, with that fine entry. "I was taught in Glastonbury, by an Australian high-ranking Wiccan guy with a really long twisted stick." Um, runes, the art of. Well, he told me to check them out, anyway. He was there for the eclipse, to re-charge his big stick at Stone Henge. Yeah, he was cool...