Funny Quotes Many people, due to my habit of saying stupid things, have started saving same stupid things, with the threat of publishing them on the net. So....I got there first, and here they are!! With a few quotes I saved from the people who are saving my every stupid phrase to equal the balance a bit (any conversations without explanations have been with my fiance), here's my collection of Funny Quotes (and overhearings!):- "So, U do it often?" "Well, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays for fun......" Overheard from 2 women walking past shop. "Well, this one's a nice colour, but the other one was more, well, Jeepy" Discussing new car vs. old car "I always thought I was really good at Minesweeper because, even when I lost, at least I always clicked on the red mine." On, well, Minesweeper tactics. "So what do you have to do to it to get it sounding right?" "Well, play it....add humanity" Problems of getting music via Midi-notate software. "so its one of these 'I'm an arrrrrtist I cannot be replicated by some <screw up face to say it with disgust> machine' rants?" More Midi-notate probs. "some of those notes probably ARE wrong, now that I look at it. there's a basic logic that has to be applied that no machine can" "so whats this logic then?" "If ya can't reach it, it's not supposed to be there" "which ones can't u reach?" "all the ones that are too far away from my fingers to hit the keys in time (See, told you it was logic)" Musician's Logic Part 1 "I'm on a dancing buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. like a twinkly toed bee" Post rehearsal excitement. "It's the way he carries his arse. That's what does it. it makes him look effeminate.He has an effeminate arse carrying style" Querying an aquaintance's walk! "You don't want to drink it, it tastes like cat wee" "how do you know?" "What?" "What cat wee tastes like?" Someone's failure to put me off alcohol. "How did they find out Silver bullets kill werewolves?" "well, they shot them and shot them and nothing worked, and eventually they'd used all their bullets so someone used the best cake server and stabbed the werewolf with it, and it turned out that it killed them. So they tried other, cheaper cake servers, but none of them worked, so they thought "oh, fluke, musta been a sickly werewolf or something", and then they realised that actually, it was the metal, not the impliment that did it" "where did u get that from?" "my head" "and how did they get close enough to stab the werewolf with the cake server?" "I dunno, it sounded right at the time" Late night myth busting "You heard about Jordan? She says she's glad she's given birth coz now she can see her feet. What does she do? Look down Sillicone Valley or something?! *indicates down centre of chest*" Reviewing newspaper quotes. "I like Smirnoff Ice. But, you know, if it's Smirnoff ICE, why don't you put ice in it?" Pondering life's great mysteries "Y-fronts! Y....fronts? What's wrong with the back of them?" Proving eternal questions CAN spring from fashion. "Either the shirt he had tucked in (to his jeans) came down to his ankles, or he's packing a punch that'd choke a pelican" Commenting on the, ahem, endowments of an aquaintance (and, I guess, the after-hours habits of pelicans). "Marks outta 10? I'd give him one!!" And not 1/10 either! "I think it was Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy, it had a weird wizard and a thing with two heads and the heads were arguing about biscuits, and they were both wandering around on this countryside building campfires and they found these other people and they fought and then built a big campfire. But the arguing about biscuits bit might not be from that, it could be Monty Python." Identifying sci-fi shows. "I just nearly set fire to a marshmallow" "How?!" "I was tryin' to toast it over a candle." When boredom meets hunger... "What do mermaids fart out of?" KillerBus, pondering mythology (and bubbles) "They're flying to Vienna?" "How else would they get there?" "By boat" "That'd take years" "Why? It's all water" "That's Venice" "So where do Viennese Whirls come from?" "I'm not drunk. Why am I drunk?" "You've got more waffle than a Belgian breakfast fanatic" "Do they have breakfast in Belgium?" "I believe so, yes." "Continental breakfast? I guess they provide the cheese" "What about the Swiss?" "Huh?" "If Belgians provide the cheese, what do the Swiss (known for their cheese) provide?" "coffee" "Coffee? Why?" "It's like chocolate. The Cheese comes from Belgium, the ham comes from Germany, the bread comes from France, and the coffee comes from Swissland" (Normal conversation with added 1/2 bottle of Lambrini) "Is my mascara running? Coz I wasn't expecting water when I applied it." (In the sea, after being hit by a wave) "*Drool* That guy's the stuff Goalie-porn is made of!" Commenting on Steelers' 2002-03 goalie Trevor Prior. (Though of course he's not a patch on Jimmy, who will always be #1 Netminder *drooooooooool* =: P) (No offence intended, Trevor!) "Oooooooh, it really *is* a plate!!" "Did the "Benson and Hedges PLATE Final" bit not give it away? What did you think it was?!" "I dunno, I thought it was just the name of the trophy, like the Ryder Cup" "!!!!" The finer points of ice hockey. "Can you iron?" "Depends" "Depends?" "Yeah, I can iron square things" "Could you do a shirt?" "Is it square?" "No, it's shirt-shaped" "Oh. Probably not then" Me, on domestic skills "My monkeys are firing on all four cylinders, thankyou!" er, go figure!! "Why do lions never swipe monkeys while they're on the toilet floor?!" Puzzling out the food chain. |
